The Fallacy Of Silence
by gonyonomaru
Summary: Itachi x OC One-shot! "Promise that you won't kill me, hurt me, threaten me or Amaterasu me in my sleep,"Hisana said."I make no promises, now speak," the Uchiha stated and she made a small prayer before taking a deep breath. "Are you and Kisame gay?"
1. Part 1

Yosh! This is an Itachi One-shot and it's a part of the mini 'the fallacy of...' series. After this one, it's probably going to be a Kisame one-shot, but only time will tell.

Uchiha Itachi- The fallacy of silence.

"Kisame, why is Itachi staring into space?" Hisana asked innocently as she limped over to the partners.

"It's his hobby, but you shouldn't be moving around, your leg hasn't healed yet," the shark man warned.

"I'm fine and thanks again for helping me out of that collapsed building," she gave them both a charming wide smile and sat down on a nearby log.

"Don't worry about it, Itachi was the one that noticed you were in there," he said and turned to look at the Uchiha, who hadn't moved in over twenty minutes.

Hisana closed her eyes to rest for a few seconds. The last two hours had been so strange and hectic.

One second she was walking through a building in search of provisions and the next she was under a pile of rubble with a broken leg.

She had called out for what seemed like an eternity until suddenly someone had lifted the beam on her leg as if it was a feather.

It must have been the most amazing thing she had ever seen anyone do and she was thankful for it. Had Kisame and Itachi not saved her, she would have died.

"Sorry if I'm prying, but what are you two doing in this uninhabited area all alone?" she asked and looked at Kisame, he was probably the one who would answer her question.

"We're on a mission," he said and she noticed he seemed to be a little tense so she didn't ask anything else on the subject.

"The same question goes to you, what are you doing here?" he said after a few seconds of silence.

"Uh... I was looking for any supplies," she said without looking into his eyes.

Luckily, he didn't say anything else about it and they sat in silence once again.

"Kisame, Hisana, we have to go," Itachi stated suddenly and stood up.

She gave them another smile and replied, "Well, thanks again and good luck in your journey."

"No," the Uchiha said and for a second she wondered if he was refusing her kind gesture, but then he clarified, "You are coming with us; you cannot survive in these woods with a broken leg."

Kisame looked slightly shocked at his partner's proposition, or more specifically order, but he didn't say anything because he didn't mind the company.

"Are you sure that's a good idea? I will only slow you down," Hisana began to politely decline.

"Kisame can carry you," Itachi said with a nod.

She furrowed her brow and wondered why they were helping her, but did as she was told and climbed up on Kisame's back.

"Thank you," she whispered and then they were dashing through the woods at a speed she had never even known existed.

They stayed silent for a couple of hours and everyone was comfortable with that.

Kisame and Itachi needed the silence to review the details of their mission and Hisana took the silence to look around the quickly changing scenery.

By evening they had travelled tens and tens of miles and she was in completely unfamiliar territory.

"Where are we?" she whispered into Kisame's ear as she looked around the large town they were currently in.

"Konoha," he replied and her eyes widened. She had always wanted to visit Fire Country's capital.

A few minutes later, they were standing in front of a small hotel, where Itachi calmly ordered a room with three beds.

The hotel's manager led them to their room and after they paid for it, they left Hisana in it.

"We will be back soon," Itachi stated before closing the door.

She limped over to the bed and sat down to try and fix her make-shift cast. During the journey it had loosened and the bone began to hurt.

Gritting her teeth, she did what was necessary and tried to ignore the pain as best she could.

When she was done, she took a good look around the room, which had three beds, a large window, a large bathroom and a small kitchen.

She hopped over to the farthest bed to the left and lay down on it. It was already late evening and she needed all the sleep she could get for her leg to heal faster.

Soon enough, she started dozing off and she managed to fall asleep for a couple of hours.

That sleep was interrupted around midnight by the sound of Itachi and Kisame walking into the room.

Hisana was going to greet them cheerfully, but stopped when she saw Kisame drag a corpse inside.

Itachi saw her shocked expression and said, "This was our mission."

Her confusion only grew and she hesitantly asked, "That man has a Konoha head band, why did you kill your own man?"

The Uchiha didn't reply, but instead took off his forehead protector and showed her the line going through it.

Instantly, she understood everything and said, "You are against Konoha."

Kisame chuckled suddenly and said, "Too bad, if you had not figured that out we would have left you here to live a new life."

She narrowed her eyes at the new information and Itachi finished, "Now you have no choice, but to come with us. You are now our prisoner."

They closed the door behind them and the room went pitch black.

Hisana looked at the spot Itachi had been and she gasped when she saw blood, red eyes staring back at her.

The next thing she knew, everything went black and she was falling.

"I wonder what leader will say about this," a blurry voice echoed inside her head.

"He will probably make us kill her."

...

Hisana slowly opened her eyes, but then closed them when she saw how bright everything was.

When she was adjusted to the lighting, she reopened her eyes and stifled a gasp after she saw she was on Itachi's back and they were dashing through the woods.

Kisame was beside them and he was carrying that corpse from before on his back.

"You are awake," Itachi stated, startling her out of her thoughts.

"Yes..." she trailed of for lack of what to say. She was still extremely confused from the night before.

Closing her eyes, she tried to figure out if the voices she heard before she passed out were a dream or reality.

She hoped it was all a horrible dream because she wasn't too keen on dying because of this leader person.

"Where are we?" she whispered into his ear, but then mentally smacked herself upon remembering she was no longer on Kisame's back.

"In the eastern mountains," Itachi surprised her by saying.

After that, no more words were exchanged until mid afternoon, when Hisana realized she had not eaten anything for nearly two days.

"Do you have anything to eat?" she asked hopefully. Once again, Itachi surprised her by pulling an apple out of his pocket and handing it to her.

They briefly stopped to wait for her to finish it, but it wasn't for long because she practically swallowed the poor apple whole.

When they continued running, she noticed the eastern mountains were getting closer and closer.

Had the partners wanted to go farther east, they would have taken the route around the mountains, but since they were going head on, they must have something important to do there.

She had never heard of any towns of villages being near this mountain range, so it confused her.

But then again, what didn't confuse her these days.

Evening crept up on them once again and she thought they were going to sleep in the forest, but instead they kept going.

By nightfall, Hisana was starting to get seriously worried that Itachi and Kisame were going to leave her in the forest alone.

The moon came out soon after that and the dark, sombre forest was lit up with its pale shimmer.

Time seemed to blur as the minutes ticked by and soon enough, the injured female was dozing off on a murderers back.

"Kisame, what will we tell leader?" Itachi asked blankly when he was sure Hisana could no longer hear them.

The shark man looked thoughtful for a moment before he replied, "We can say that she witnessed everything and we had to bring her to wipe her memory."

"I could have wiped her memory back where we found her," came the answer, purposely raining on Kisame's parade.

"Well… we'll say you were too tired," he retorted hastily.

Itachi turned his head to stare at his partner with that trademark Uchiha stare as he said, "Then we would have killed her."

"Fine, be a party pooper. Just make up a lie or she's dead… or Hidan will get his grubby hands on her. I don't know which one is worse," Kisame said and sped up to avoid more of the piercing blank stare.

Itachi took his partners point into consideration and tried to think of a suitable lie that would allow Hisana to stay with them in more favourable circumstances than prison.

He may be a murderer, but he still had enough heart left in him to take pity on an abandoned injured girl.

To him, she was a small probably futile attempt to stay human.

Some time later, they were at a cave entrance and they briefly put their passengers down to move the giant rock that covered the entrance.

"You are late," a blank voice that slightly resembled Itachi's spoke.

"Yeah, yeah, sorry," Kisame started as he put the unconscious body of the man they had kidnapped from Konoha down.

"We got the guy… and we found this chick along the way," he finished and nodded in Itachi's direction so that he could explain or lie why they had brought her with them.

"She is our slave now," Itachi stated and began walking in the direction of his room.

Their leader, Pein, did not seem entirely convinced so he stepped in front of Itachi and said, "Why would you need a slave?"

"To cook," Kisame chimed in, but sighed and looked away when Itachi cast him a dark glare.

"To cook," Pein repeated before narrowing his eyes, stepping aside and letting Itachi pass.

As they were almost out of the large cave and in the tunnel, Pein said, "Make sure you know what side she's on."

…

"Itachi, she still isn't waking up," Kisame's muffled voice seemed to echo in Hisana's head.

"Poke her again," Itachi stated and she flinched when she felt a finger practically stab her in the side.

"I'm awake…" she muttered to stop him from repeating the painful gesture.

Hisana opened her eyes to look around and she saw that she was now in a medium sized room with dark brown walls, a door and no windows.

She tried to stand up off the chair she had been put in, but she bit back a gasp when she felt a stabbing sensation in her leg.

Right, it was still broken.

"Where am I?" she asked quietly and rubbed her eyes. It felt like she had been sleeping for days.

"That doesn't matter," Itachi began and she gave him a sharp glance before he continued, "you already know too much."

"Alright, how long will I be here for?" she persisted in search of any valuable information she could get.

"That also doesn't matter," came the reply and Hisana frowned slightly.

"Are you going to tell me anything?"

He didn't say anything so she continued, "I'll take that as a 'no'."

He finally turned to look at her with his intelligent onyx eyes and said, "You are assuming things. What if I had been about to tell you something, but your assumption made me decide against it?"

"… Were you?" she asked hesitantly, slightly confused from what he had just told her.

"No."

She sighed and the room went silent, thus revealing the sound of Kisame's muffled chuckling.

They turned to look at him and he cleared his throat before saying, "I suppose we should tell you that you are now going to be our cook."

Hisana looked away and tried to rethink her options at this new revelation.

She could react angrily and refuse the job, but she wanted to live and she did owe them her life after they saved her.

"Okay, do I have to hunt too or do you have ready food?" she asked calmly, only wanting to find out how hard of easy her job was going to be.

Itachi turned around to stare at the wall, but then said, "No, another one of the members get our food for us. All you have to do is prepare it."

She nodded; though she doubted the gesture was seen by the wall-staring Itachi.

The room went tensely silent so she took that time to look around the room again.

There were two beds, but it doesn't take a grand mathematician to realize that it wasn't enough for all of them.

"…Where will I sleep?" she muttered and wondered if maybe they would put her in a separate room.

She had been away from people for many months so having to sleep in the same room as two murderers bothered her.

"We can pull a mat in from the other room," Kisame piped in helpfully.

Itachi didn't move, or react to the statement so the shark man got up off his bed and walked out of the room in search of a free mat.

Oddly enough, it was much harder than it sounded because Sasori insisted on having a mat for each and every one of his puppets.

Hisana and Itachi were left alone in the room and she resisted the urge to hobble over to the door and run after Kisame.

She wasn't afraid of Itachi, but being alone with him did give her goose bumps.

He was just so… unpredictable and she never knew whether he would say something or stay awkwardly silent.

"So…" she started to say out of a habit she had back before she lived in the forest.

"What?" Itachi asked and she nearly repeated what he had just said, but then she remembered that she herself had started the conversation and twitched.

"Uh… I… I was just thinking," she gushed in hopes of being in silence again.

More specifically, to stop herself from being any more embarrassing.

"About?" the Uchiha continued the conversation and she nearly choked on her own spit.

"Nothing, that's why I compensated for it by saying something," she tried to sound intelligent, honestly she did.

"One word cannot compensate for a lack of thought because a thought must have motivated you to speak in the first place."

She sweat dropped. "Sorry, I'm still a bit scatter brained from everything that has happened so far."

"You are confused that you were saved and brought here?" he paraphrased and she mentally swore.

"Yes."

"Are you trying to end the conversation? Women are supposed to be more relaxed upon speaking, but your heart rate has been going up every second I say something," Itachi surprised her again by saying.

Hisana tried to think of a respectable reply to his oddly worded question, but luck was on her side and Kisame walked in with a mat.

"I found a mat for you to sleep in Hisana," he said as he put it along the wall beside Itachi's bed.

"Thank you very much, I won't be much trouble I promise," she said with a small bow and hobbled over to assess her new sleeping quarters.

"You know, we never actually bothered to ask you if you were good at cooking," Kisame noted.

...

"Alright, today I have spaghetti, alfredo sauce and I was going to make meatballs, but Hidan brought them in with the suggestion that they were human so... I think you understand," Hisana chuckled nervously as she put two plates out on the Akatsuki kitchen table.

It had been two weeks since she had been made Itachi and Kisame's personal cook.

"Thanks Hisana," Kisame muttered before grabbing his plate and wolfing the food down.

Itachi, on the other hand, was more polite and he gave her a formal thank you before he delicately took a fork and started to eat.

"Can Tobi have some food?" a shrill voice appeared out of no where and it took her a lot of muscle control not to scream and run out of the room.

"Sure thing Tobi, take as much as you want," she offered warmly, but the smile did not reach her eyes.

To her, Tobi was just a lunatic that could snap at any moment and kill them all.

She was pretty close.

"Hisana, go straight to our room after you are done," Itachi spoke and she did as she was told.

Reluctantly, but she did follow his orders.

That evening, Hisana sat in the room with a deeply furrowed brow.

Maybe tonight she would ask '_that'_ question.

No, what if they were offended by it... or was she right?

Just as Itachi walked into the room, she sighed deeply and decided to forget the question until a more suitable situation.

"Do you want to ask me something?" Itachi startled her out of her silly thoughts and she flinched at how close to reality he was.

"No... I was just thinking," she turned to give him a small smile, but when she saw his blank gaze on hers, she looked away again.

"Why do you keep looking away?" he asked and she stifled a sigh upon realizing that she had to answer his question and that Itachi was in a talkative mood.

From what Kisame told her and what she had observed, Itachi had two moods.

Quiet mode and annoying million question mode.

Unfortunately for her, he never gave any warning as to when those moods were upon him, until it was too late to run away.

"I'm not going to repeat myself," he said and she shook her head to get herself back on track with the current situation.

"I'm not used to people staring at me, that's all," Hisana tried to cut off any more questions by yawning and pretending to be tired.

"I think I'm going to take a nap now," she said a little too forcefully as she made her way across the room and to her mat.

"You are avoiding conversation," he stated and she gave him a small nod.

"Now tell me what you had wanted to ask me before," he said and she flinched; both because her broken leg spasmed a bit and the fact that Itachi still wasn't dropping the subject.

"It's nothing important, but can I ask you something else?" she retorted with a small, calculating smile.

"No, I only want to know what the first question you wanted to ask me was," he persisted, being completely out of his character.

Still, everyone has a quirk and it seems that Itachi's is to be annoyingly persistent.

Her smile disappeared and she closed her eyes with a sigh.

When she reopened her eyes, she nearly fell backwards when she saw Itachi standing in front of her and staring at her, Sharingan activated.

"You are blushing," he stated as she started leaning away from him.

"It's just the adrenaline."

"I make you afraid?"

"N-No... I wasn't expecting you to be so close," she mentally cursed when she stuttered.

"I'm waiting," he reminded her of the earlier question about her question.

Briefly, she wondered if all of this was his attempt to mess her brain up so much that she would no longer be able to think properly.

"Alright, but first you have to promise that you won't kill me, hurt me, threaten me or Amaterasu me in my sleep," she said with a hoping eyebrow raise.

"I make no promises, now speak," the Uchiha demanded and she made a small prayer before taking a deep breath.

"Are you and Kisame gay?"

"..."

Hisana defensively put her hands in front of her face and closed her eyes.

After what seemed like eternity, she opened her eyes a crack and she saw Itachi was still in front of her, but with a small frown on his lips.

"I'm sorry... it... just seems like that... you know... the only girl I've seen in this base is Konan and it looks like she is with that strange man with piercings so I thought that each partnership equalled a relationship," she tried to elaborate, but she saw the silliness of her question when she said it out loud.

This whole thing sure did made a lot more sense in her head.

"You think that Kisame and I are gay," Itachi said slowly, as if he was still trying to wrap his head around the idea.

"No... That's why I asked," she replied, still tense and ready to be killed.

"Your reasoning skills are far off," he said after another long pause.

"So you're not gay?" she muttered out loud.

"You are assuming things, I never specified," he answered.

"...So you are?" she asked hesitantly, still rather confused.

Itachi sighed and took one step closer to her before leaning to her ear before distinctly saying, "-"

_-Slam!_

"Damn it!" Kisame yelled in frustration after he slammed the door, right as Itachi had been about to say something.

"You cannot believe who I'm paired with for the next mission!" he exclaimed and Itachi narrowed his eyes, while Hisana tried inching away from the now rather tense body of the Uchiha.

"It's Deidera-I-blow-shit-up-whenever-the-hell-I-want!" Kisame yelled and flopped down on his bed with a groan.

"Worse yet, the mission is for-" he stopped talking when he saw how close Itachi and Hisana were.

Plus, the dark, blood red glare he was getting zipped his lips up, much like staring in the face of a Tyrannosaurus Rex makes you crap your pants and run a hundred miles a minute at the same time.

"Kisame, did you ever learn how to knock?" Itachi spoke in a low, threatening tone.

The shark man got up off the bed and quickly apologized for the interruption.

He was about to leave, but he saw Hisana mouth 'help' so he muttered, "Oh and Hisana, I'm hungry so can you come make me something?"

She smiled and cautiously got around Itachi before following Kisame out the door.

When they were far away from the room, Kisame asked, "So, what was I interrupting?"

"Nothing much, I was just asking Itachi if you and him were gay."

To be continued...

:) This if half of the one-shot and the other half should be up in a week.

Any thoughts on the story so far?


	2. Part 2

This is the second half of the one-shot!

Thank you for reading this far :)

...

"Bye Kisame, have a good mission with Deidera and please don't try to kill each other in your sleep!" Hisana warned as she waved the blue and blond off for their mission.

When they were out of sight, she chuckled nervously and started walking down the hallway in the opposite direction of Itachi's room.

The whole 'are you gay' incident had been two days before so she still hadn't gotten an answer, apart from Kisame's shocked screaming.

Itachi had been trying to be alone with her since then, while she had been trying to be around as many people as possible.

She had even spent a couple of hours with Tobi.

Yes, she was that desperate.

"Hisana, now that Kisame has left, you will listen to me," a voice behind her said and she nearly jumped out of her skin.

"Itachi, yes, about that... I was just about to go see how Sasori was doing so maybe later, sorry," she muttered and started to shuffle down the hallway, all the while averting her gaze from Itachi's piercing one.

"No, this cannot wait," the Uchiha said and he was suddenly in front of her.

"Hisana, am I interrupting?" Sasori's dull voice sliced through the tense atmosphere without a care in the world.

"No, no, I was just going to see you, sorry for the hold up," she said with a growing smile as she walked around Itachi and walked after Sasori.

Saved by the puppet.

...

"Hisana, you have been strangely helpful lately. Is something wrong between you and Itachi?" Konan asked that night as she watched Hisana clean Konan's room.

"Nah, it's alright, I just feel that I need to thank all of you for letting me stay here," she replied with a yawn.

It was around midnight, but she was still up because she knew that the second she walked into Itachi's room, he would corner her, loom over her and probably slit her throat for even wondering about his sexuality.

...And Konan was up because Tobi had 'accidentally' splattered all of her belongings with fire extinguisher fluid.

"So why did Tobi do all of this in the first place?" Hisana stirred up a conversation to keep her mind awake.

"I think he hit puberty, you know how crazy children get when they are at that age," Konan replied, chuckling at her won joke.

In another room, Tobi sneezed.

By three a.m. Konan's room was completely clean and Hisana said her goodbyes.

"Thanks again," Konan offered with a smile.

"No problem, but if I'm dead tomorrow, tell everyone Tobi did it."

Once again, in another room, Tobi sneezed.

Hisana started walking aimlessly down the hallway as she rubbed the sleep in her eyes away.

"It is three a.m. and no one else needs help so we _will_ talk," Itachi's clearly annoyed voice said somewhere behind her.

It never ceased to amaze her how he managed to sneak up on her.

For a second Hisana thought about running down the hallway screaming for help, but decided against it when she remembered the time when Itachi caught a bird flying in the air with one jump.

"Talk about what?" she feinted innocence.

"Walk back to our room," he ordered and she took a deep breath before following the order.

The next five minutes were painfully tense and seemed to last forever.

When they were at the door, Hisana stopped and didn't make any moves to opening it.

"Open it."

The door creaked open slowly, like in one of those old horror movies.

"Go inside."

She hesitantly stepped inside, but didn't go further than one step.

Finally, Itachi got tired of how slow everything was going so he walked in, slammed the door shut and grabbed her by the shoulders to face him.

He was taller than her so he could plainly see her resigned, yet horrified expression.

"Please don't kill me," the plea flew out of her mouth before she could stop it.

If her eyes had been open, she would have seen a sliver of confusion flicker through Itachi's eyes.

"You think I am going to kill you," he asked, but it sounded more like a statement.

"You're not?"

"You always assume things that are incorrect," he replied and Hisana could feel her brain slowly tie itself into knots.

"So you are?"

Had Itachi been someone less civilized, per say Hidan, he would have sighed loudly and sworn at Hisana's stupidity.

But no... This was Itachi so all he did was close his eyes, calm himself down and re-open them before saying, "No."

"No you are not going to kill me or no I am wrong and you are?" she asked to make things perfectly clear.

This was not a case where she could blunder off and guess the result.

"No I am not gay," Itachi specified and much to his dismay, Hisana paled.

"So now you're going to kill me," she assumed, completely contradicting what she had just decided not to do.

"What gave you the idea that I want to kill you in the first place," the Uchiha asked, though he was starting to get tired of all this explaining and talking.

"You are all part of a secret S-Ranked organization set to kill thousands of people and take over the world. Where do you think I got it?" she countered defensively.

The room went silent and for the first time since Hisana had come to stay with the Akatsuki, Itachi started to think of what it would be like to be in her shoes.

"I will not kill you," he said finally and a relived smile formed on her lips.

"But... sorry for making this whole mess... I just saw how close Deidera and Sasori were... well you know... in a twisted 'I hate you and you hate me' kind of way so I thought the same was true for you and Kisame," she explained with a sheepish smile, though she was still somewhat uncomfortable because Itachi was gripping her shoulders.

He didn't say anything after that, but instead he activated his Sharingan and looked straight into her eyes.

"Hisana," he paused for a second. "I am still only a man."

Then, just like that, he was gone and she was left alone in the room.

'I am still only a man' she repeated in her mind as she puzzled over what it could mean.

Sighing, she crawled into her bed covers and tried to fall asleep.

At least now she knew that Itachi wasn't gay.

...

Weeks passed after that incident and things seemed to be going back to normal.

Well, as normal as it gets at the Akatsuki base.

"Hisana, why won't you cook for us?" Zetsu asked as he saw Itachi, Kisame and Konan with full plates of food in the kitchen.

"Itachi and Kisame brought me here to be their cook, not the rest of the Akatsuki's," she explained as she washed up.

"But you are cooking for Konan," white Zetsu countered.

"That's because she likes me," Konan interjected and the two girls chuckled.

Zetsu mumbled something else and walked out of the room, presumably to argue with himself.

"Hisana, leader wants to see you when you are done," Kisame said as he licked his plate clean.

She was going to scold him for doing so, but the sudden news of having to see the leader startled her.

Never before had she been to see him and she wasn't sure if it was a good thing.

When she was done cleaning up, she walked to the main Akatsuki meeting room and knocked politely.

"Enter," a deep, unfamiliar voice spoke and she hesitated briefly before doing as she was told.

At the table, she saw Pein and a dark shadow with blood red eyes.

"Hisana, I see you have come for your evaluation," the dark shadow spoke and she felt shivers going down her spine.

Pein gestured for her to sit down and she did so, but not before glancing at the door as a possible means of escape.

Mentally smacking herself for her delusion of possible escape, she tried to look as calm and emotionless as she could.

All that time spent around Itachi, the king of emotionlessness, sure did come in handy.

Pein broke the tense silence by saying, "You have been around the Akatsuki base for two months now and you know valuable information that could be useful for our enemies. We need to know that we can trust you."

She nodded, the conversation seemed fairly normal so far.

"So, we have arranged for your mind to be read," he ended and before she could gasp or blink, the shadow was in front of her and she was looking into its cold, heartless, Sharingan filled eyes.

Never before had she seen so much... power in the eyes of one person.

Suddenly, everything around her melted into a bloody red background and she could no longer feel anything around her.

"W-What is this?" she wondered out loud, completely shocked at the experience.

Could Itachi do this too?

"Hisana, escapee from a pathetic, non-ninja village and a resident of the forest. That doesn't sound very trust worthy," the voice mocked.

Her heart started to beat faster and her breathing became irregular as she felt the tension in the air getting stronger.

"Who knows what kind of people you could have met in the forest," the voice continued and she grit her teeth when she realized she could no longer move any of her limbs.

"Like this... I see you have met Orochimaru."

A sharp stabbing sensation entered her head and she saw a vision of Orochimaru and her talking in the forest.

Right... she had met that creepy pedophile in the first few weeks after she ran away from home.

"No... It's not what it looks like. He approached me and offered me power in exchange for coming with him. I said no and then he was gone," she blurted out quickly.

Damn. She had known that the guy was bad luck. Never trust a man with a snake tongue.

"He knows that you are here and just like me, he can get any information he wants out of you," the voice said more to itself than her.

"That doesn't matter! He can't get to me in the base," she said a little too forcefully.

More pain exploded in her head and for a second she wondered why she hadn't passed out yet.

"Silence. Only speak when spoken to," the voice commanded, stern and threatening.

She gulped and tried to catch her breath as she concentrated on making the pale, ghostly fingertips of pain to wash away.

"I can say anything to Pein and he will believe me. If I want you killed, all I have to do is snap my fingers and it will be done. Do you understand now?"

"Yes," she whispered quietly and hung her head.

The sooner this was all over, the sooner she could forget this strange shadowy figure with heartless eyes.

"Good, now tell me what you know about my organization," he ordered, sounding more pleased now.

"Your organization...?" she started in confusion before she shook her head and answered, "I know who all the members are and I know that your goal is murder and world domination."

"What about the tailed beasts?"

"What? Is that a metaphor for something?" she asked honestly.

"No, now what do you know about Itachi and Kisame? You spend most of your time with them don't you?" the voice was mocking her again.

Hisana cleared her voice sheepishly before muttering, "I know that they are not gay."

The strange, blood red world went silent as the voice contemplated what to do with the unusual answer.

"You asked," it stated finally, sounding much like Itachi.

"Yes, Kisame was really offended but Itachi just made it a point to scare me nearly to death before explaining everything," she replied and she was surprised to find herself feeling slightly more comfortable.

"Why did you think they were gay?" the voice asked, now rather intrigued by this turn of events.

It had completely forgotten about his whole 'I make you too scared to betray the Akatsuki' scheme.

"Well you know, it looks like Pein and Konan are together so I figured that each partnership was also a relationship," she muttered, suddenly regretting mentioning it in the first place.

The space went silent once more, but it also went much tenser and Hisana gulped.

"I created the Akatsuki's to be a symbol of power, not gayness!" the voice yelled unexpectedly.

"I'm sorry, but that's why I had asked," she whispered as she tried to shrink away.

"I don't care. Now what the hell about my group of murderers screams gay fruitiness?" the voice seethed in a deadly low voice.

Her heart resumed its panicky pace as she stuttered, "W-Well, there's only one girl and each partnership makes too much sense to just be a partnership."

"I knew I shouldn't have let Pein decide the partnerships..."

Hisana raised an eye brow at the comment, but she was relived that the blame was now slowly being placed on Pein and taken off her.

Suddenly, she was back in the Akatsuki meeting room and the dark shadow with Sharingan eyes was still in front of her.

She unconsciously leaned back in her chair to add some distance, but it didn't help.

She might as well have been in another room, but she would have still felt the cold deadliness.

"Pein, this little bitch thinks that the Akatsuki are a group of gay penis suckers," it growled and she was about to call him out on his lie, but suddenly she couldn't breathe.

Its arctic, hard hand was around her neck and fear blinded all of her senses.

"Madara, are you sure you want to kill her? You would have to deal with Itachi, Kisame and Konan going after you," Pein warned blankly.

Madara... so that was the name of this evil being.

At least now she would know who her killer was.

Hisana started feeling light headed and then everything faded to black.

...

"Pein, she was only curious! You can't kill her for being interested!" a distressed female voice woke Hisana from her fitful slumber.

"The decision has already been made, there is nothing more I can do," came the reply.

"What... where am I?" Hisana muttered out loud as she tried to open her eyes, or move, but she was blindfolded and tied to what seemed to be a chair.

"Hisana, you are at the Akatsuki base and it was been agreed that you will be prosecuted for being a traitor," Pein's voice seemed to be coming closer to her.

"A traitor? I-I didn't do anything! Madara set me up!" she yelled and in response she heard a few murmurs going through the room.

"Uchiha Madara died 200 years ago, he has nothing to do with this," Kakuzu replied.

"Dead... no! I saw him! He-"

She was cut off when Pein announced, "Silence! A decision has been made and you, Hisana, will be executed tonight!"

"I won't let this happen!" Kisame suddenly interrupted and that's when Hisana realized that all of the Akatsuki members were present.

"Hidan, hold him back," Pein's voice said, getting closer still.

"Any last words?" the orange haired man asked blankly, as if he didn't care that she was about to die.

"Y-You have to believe me! Madara is alive and he only wants me dead because I thought all of you were gay! I was wrong and I apologize if I offended anyone, but please don't kill me for being curious!"

She wished she could have seen the looks on their faces, but she was still blind folded and tied too well to do anything about it.

The room went oddly silent, until finally Hidan yelled, "You fucking thought I was gay!"

"Well, Jashin supposedly won't let you be with women so I'm sure you can be with men," Deidera countered.

"Shut up you dumb blond, I bet you're not angry because you are gay!" the white haired man yelled back.

"I AM NOT!" came the reply and from then on, all hell broke loose.

Hisana could not see it, but Deidera threw a ton of clay at Hidan and started to try and detonate it, but then Sasori tried to hold him back.

As a result, Hidan jumped on Deidera and the three of them fell to the ground.

Sasori tried to climb out, but just at that moment, Deidera's clay detonated and the three of them were blown across the room.

Meanwhile, Konan was yelling at Pein for being such a spineless idiot and Kakuzu was trying to break up all of the fighting because he knew that in the end, he would be the one left with the bill to repair everything.

Zetsu and Tobi just watched in amusement and placed bets on who would win.

Hisana listened to the sounds of battle with growing worry. What if one of their attacks hit her?

"Don't move," Itachi's voice whispered into her ear and she felt her bonds being cut and then she was being lifted.

She still couldn't see what was happening though. Itachi hadn't bothered to remove her blindfold.

"What's happening?" she whispered after five minutes of silence.

"Deidera and Hidan were pretending to fight so that Pein and Madara wouldn't see as I took you away," Itachi surprised her by explaining.

"Pretending? But it all sounded so real and serious," she asked as she also tried to figure out how Itachi was managing to carry her.

From what she could tell, he was carrying her bridal style while also running at a blinding speed.

"We Akatsuki are masters of persuasion," Itachi stated and just at that moment, a sound of an epic explosion echoed through the halls.

"Yup, that's really convincing."

...

"I'll be back for you later, just stay here," Itachi nudged Hisana awake.

She nodded and stifled a gasp as she felt herself being put down on a hard bed.

Being still blind folded, she had no idea and where she was. The last thing she remembered was being carried by Itachi, but then she must have fallen asleep.

"Goodbye Hisana," Itachi said a few last words before disappearing.

For a few moments, Hisana hesitated and wondered what she should do next.

Taking the blindfold off might be a good start...

"Oh... wow," she marvelled out loud as she saw that she was now in a large grey room with a small bench and the hard bed she was sitting on.

In fact, it reminded her a lot of a jail cell.

She spent a few minutes walking around and she soon realized that even though Itachi told her to stay here, she really didn't have a choice because the door was locked.

There weren't any windows either.

Sighing, she sat on the bed again and she briefly wondered if she should make a calendar on the wall.

After all, she had no idea how long she would have to stay here.

She frowned upon remembering why she was here in the first place.

Stupid Madara and his giant pride...

"A pretty girl like you shouldn't be frowning like that," a deep raspy voice spoke from behind her.

Hisana mentally cursed. She had only been here for a few minutes and already some horrible crap was going on!

Turning around, she was both relieved and worried to see Zetsu.

Relieved because it was not Madara, but worried because she had heard that the plant had a tendency to eat humans.

"Zetsu... what are you doing here?" she asked calmly, all the while trying to think of what she could use to defend herself.

"Nothing special..." the black part began and the white part finished, "just finding you so that Madara can trace my chakra and find you."

Hisana bit down the urge to smack her forehead in annoyance, but instead she took a deep breath and announced, "Zetsu, don't you know that Madara is just using you! He's going to kill you after he has control of the ninja world! But you can still get away... he... he might not find you if you cross the ocean to the other continent."

"Nice try Hisana, but Zetsu is completely loyal to me and nothing you say can ever change that," another voice appeared behind her.

"Damn it! Why are you doing this? All I did was wonder about your group and now you're determined to kill me!" she yelled in frustration.

"That's not all you did... you also told everyone in the Akatsuki that I am alive... I was intending to keep that a secret for a long, long time," he sneered, clearly angry.

"So, you're an Uchiha right? Why don't you use that fancy Sharingan of yours to wipe their memories?" Hisana offered quietly.

If there was any chance she could get out of this alive, she would take it.

Madara went silent and she took that moment to vainly wonder why she still couldn't see his face.

Did he have a shadow jutsu going on or something?

"That is an interesting idea. I guess you have made up for your pathetic existence," Madara mocked.

"I want the leg," white Zetsu suddenly stated, but black Zetsu yelled, "No! I want the heart and if you go for the leg, it will take forever, thus all the juice of the heart will go away!"  
Hisana paled.

"N-No... you're still going to kill me? B-But we have a solution for your problem and Itachi will get you if you kill me..." she trailed off, not completely sure if Itachi would do that.

He did go through the trouble of bringing her here, so maybe he could avenge her as well.

"Zetsu would be pretty upset if I went back on my word..." Madara said and started coming closer to her.

Hisana's heart skipped a beat and out of desperation she yelled, "I know why you really want to kill me!"  
The Uchiha paused, only mildly interested in what she had to say.

"I-It's because you're actually gay isn't it! Why else would you be so offended!"

The large jail cell went deadly silent.

You could practically hear Madara's blood boiling as he activated his Sharingan and growled, "You little whore... I will make you regret you ever said that."

Oddly enough, Hisana actually felt relieved at hearing this. If he reacted so strongly to get muddled thoughts, then maybe she could eventually trick him into letting her live.

Suddenly, his hand was around her throat, but it wasn't squeezing yet.

"You really think I'm gay? Maybe this will convince you otherwise," he sneered before crashing his cold, rough lips on hers.

Hisana swore that she had died right then and there.

He wasn't supposed to be doing this... she was expecting something along the lines of threats, more pain via Sharingan and maybe torture.

She couldn't breathe and her face hurt from all the added pressure, but as soon as she tried to struggle, his grip on her throat tightened.

Desperate, she used her free hand to grab where his hair was supposed to be and she pulled.

Much to her dismay, she ended up pulling something round and plastic off instead.

Madara let go of her immediately and she gasped when she saw that she was holding an orange swirly mask with a hole in it.

"You're Tobi too! How many people are you!" she yelled, still angry from being forcefully kissed.

He didn't even flinch as he said, "Three, but now I definitely have to kill you for discovering my alias."

Hisana sighed, not even surprised anymore.

"Alright... you win..." she started and he narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

Then she quickly jumped back a few feet, grabbed Zetsu by his... plant head and yelled, "One step closer and I'll poke his eyes out!"

The former Uchiha clan leader was tempted to rub his temples in annoyance.

"You honestly think that you will be fast enough?" he growled and took a step forward.

"Yes, you old, gay, pedophile! You kiss like a gay man!" she screeched and her innner pride grew a little.

If she really was going to die tonight, she might as well be remembered.

Madara narrowed his eyes before saying, "That's it, I will kill you!"

"Stop," a blank voice of reason appeared from the shadows.

"Madara, Hisana, stop this. You are acting like little children so you will be dealt with accordingly. Hisana, apologize for calling Madara a gay pedophile," Pein said as he stepped out of the shadows, followed by Itachi, Kisame and Konan.

"She also called me old," the elder Uchiha added.

Hisana let go of Zetsu and ran over to Itachi, jumped behind him and said, "No! Don't let him kill me!"  
Madara suddenly stopped and intently sniffed the air.

"I smell drugs."

The other Akatsuki members took a sniff and came up with the same conclusion.

Deidera, the chemical scientist of the bunch, walked up to Zetsu and said, "This is a mind numbing drug and it's coming from Zetsu."

Zetsu chuckled and took a small packet of flowers and mushrooms out of his cloak.

"This is my new creation," white Zetsu began and black Zetsu finished, "It temporarily numbs the grown adult reasoning part of the brain."  
"So... Madara and Hisana have reverted to children?" Kisame asked.

"Yes, why do you think Hisana is still alive? If Madara was in a clear state of mind, she would have died the second he walked into this room," Zetsu stated matter-of-factly.

Still, it all made sense. Why else would Hisana have acted quite so boldly?

"Wait... Madara, why are you alive?" Sasori suddenly said and the bunch turned to look at the Uchiha, but much to their dismay, he was gone.

The room went silent and Itachi turned around to say something to Hisana, but she was passed out on the floor.

"Why is everything happening so fast?" Konan muttered as she rushed to her friend's side to check her well being.

"She is only unconscious," Itachi stated and from then on, the evening was spent laboriously trying to figure out how something as crazy as this could have happened.

What on earth were the chances of Madara having such a huge pride, Zetsu having mind numbing drugs and Hisana being a loud mouthed fool in her childhood?

As the Akatsuki found out, one in 4.4 billion.

...

"So Itachi, are you going to send her back? You can see it's not safe for her to be here," a rough voice stated.

A softer, calmer voice replied, "No Kisame, Madara will find her if we leave her."

Hisana furrowed her brow as she opened her eyes and found herself back in Itachi, Kisame and her room.

"What happened?" she whispered as she tried to remember why she was alive.

"Zetsu drugged you and Madara, and then you passed out," Kisame said as if it was a normal thing to talk about.

She sat up quickly, alarmed. "Madara... he... the drugs will wear off and then he'll come kill me!"

"Hisana, calm down, I won't let him hurt you again," Itachi said as he walked up to her and placed his hands on her shoulders.

Meanwhile, Kisame felt left out of the touching moment so he muttered, "I was there for the entire ordeal too..." before he left.

Hisana cast her eyes downward, not really sure of what to do with Itachi so close to her.

"Itachi... when we were back at the jail cell... why did you leave?" she whispered at last.

The Uchiha close his eyes and sighed. "I thought you were going to be safe."

She looked up at his face, his eyes were still closed, and for a second she decided to do something bold.

Maybe it was the after affect of the drugs, maybe it was just the need to feel safe, but at that moment it felt just right.

She leaned forward and as tenderly as a silken goddess, she kissed him.

He was unresponsive at first, but then he gingerly kissed back. Even though she had initiated the contact, he was in control, but for the first time in a long time, she was alright with it.

He broke the kiss and opened his onyx eyes to stare into her confused ones and he silenced that small morsel of his brain that told him to be cold and uncaring before he smiled.

She smiled back and then she whispered, "Now I really hope you are not gay."

The End!

Hahahahahaha... I am done! Wow, that was long for a one-shot.

I apologise to any readers that are going 'WTF that was a sudden kiss scene' or 'what's up with the whole Zetsu's drug scene?'

I just realized that there would be nothing that would _really_ stop Madara, so I figured why not drug 'em all?

... and the kiss scene was so sudden because I didn't want to drag it on for eons with them revealing their feelings for each other at the end like every single other Itachi one-shot I have read... Their feelings are still not at the 'love' stage so I hope that explains everything.

Thank you for reading!

Any final thoughts?


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